Reducing parental conflict
What is parental conflict?
Most of us have arguments or disagree at times in our relationship, but sometimes conflict can increase to a level that's not healthy for family life.
Not all conflict is damaging, however when children witness adults who argue often or ignore each other frequently, it can have a negative impact.
This can impact your child's:
- behaviour
- mental and physical health
- self-esteem
- academic achievements
- future relationships with others
Conflict can impact parents and carers who are in a relationship, and those who are separated or divorced. Conflict can also occur in all types of families.
What might cause conflict in relationships?
Conflict can occur for many reasons such as:
We each have different views on parenting styles due to our own childhood experiences.
Different parenting styles and influence from other family members can cause parental conflict.
Support services for parenting
The Centre for Emotional Health provides a range of resources you can download with strategies and tips to try together at home.
Debt, overspending, unexpected costs, and job loss can all lead to worries around finances.
This can lead to strain on relationships and result in parental conflict.
Financial support services
Citizen’s Advice has advice and guidance which can help support you.
Limited space or poor living conditions can be very challenging, and cause worry and stress.
Accessing help and support can relieve this stress and help to improve the situation, reducing parental conflict.
Housing support services
The charity Shelter can provide support and information.
Poor mental health can cause worry and anxiety for those involved and place a huge amount of stress on relationships as people try to navigate their own way through these challenges.
Support services for mental health
Bucks Mind is a useful website with information and support.
Bringing a new person into the world brings so much happiness and joy but can also create strain and challenges for relationships.
A new baby can mean changes to routines, work, friendships, and finances.
The NHS has guidance for families providing tips and tricks to help navigate through this time.
Separation or divorce is a difficult time for the whole family.
Despite the relationship breaking down, the family still exists and so parents should continue to work together for their children as best as they can.
When going through a divorce or separation it's helpful to:
- Remember that your child has the right to a full and loving relationship with both parents.
- Create a co-parenting plan – this can be a positive way to help communicate and manage shared child arrangements.
- Maintain consistency – having two different sets of rules, boundaries and expectations for children can be confusing and unsettling, aim to remain consistent as much as possible.
- Communicate – calm, consistent and purposeful communication with your co-parent is an important aim to have.
Separation support services
Relate offers counselling services for every type of relationship, including advice on marriage, divorce and parenting.
The Mediation People offer flexible mediation services to families across Buckinghamshire.
Strategies to reduce conflict
There are many things we can do to reduce conflict within our relationships.
- Tell your partner/co-parent how a situation makes you feel in a calm manner.
- Make sure everyone has an opportunity to voice their view, and provide time for the other person to respond to what has been said.
- Choose the right time to address things. A quiet time in the evening may be more appropriate than around the dinner table.
- Spend more quality time together.
- Know your triggers. Think about what triggers a strong reaction and stops you from being able to think rationally.
- Celebrate things you agree on and use this in future discussion.
- Involve your support network.
- Make use of your coping strategies.
Destructive versus constructive conversations
Use constructive as opposed to destructive conversations.
Constructive conversations can lead to disagreements being resolved in a positive manner whilst destructive conversations can lead to negative outcomes creating further feelings of frustration.
- Using insults to make your point
- Interrupting to get your point across
- Using past examples to prove when you’re right
- Telling your partner/co-parent what they should or shouldn’t do
- Explaining your own feelings and accepting that your partner/co-parent may have different feelings
- Active listening
- Supporting each other to feel heard and respected
- Being willing to negotiate and compromise to find a solution
- Using ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements
Parenting programmes and drop-ins
Keeping your child in mind
We run the Keeping your Child in Mind parenting programme which is our Reducing Parental Conflict toolkit for parents and carers.
Keeping your child in mind is a 4-week programme for parents who are ready to reflect on their own relationships, communication styles and parenting to make positive changes for themselves and their children.
Early years parenting workshops
Our early years parenting workshops can help you learn the building blocks for positive, constructive relationships and calm, confident parenting.
The sessions focus on a range of topics such as:
- understanding behaviour
- dealing with stress and conflict
- boundaries and parenting
- healthy eating
Help for young people
Our courses and youth drop-ins offer the help and support that teenagers told us they need.
We have a range of virtual and face-to-face courses for young people as well as drop-in sessions for those aged 11 to 19 (up to 25 years for those with SEND).